His Prank Induced Revelation
by Neversaid-I-Madesense
Summary: The farthest he got was “Good morning Sleeping Beauty--!” before his hands flew to his mouth. His voice was squeaky, and high-pitched to a point that would make Barbie proud. "Happy April Fool's Day, Per-Per!"


His Prank-Induced Revelation

* * *

"_HAHA-HA-HAHA_! _HAHA-HA-HAHA_! _HEHEHEHE_ !"

He would never forget that damned Woody Woodpecker laugh and how utterly ridiculous it sounded coming out of _his_ mouth, of all people. He never would have expected to wake up one seemingly normal morning (having not given a damn that it was April Fool's Day) sounding like _that_. He never expected for anyone to have the sheer amount of _balls_ to pull a prank on _him_, Dr. Perry Cox, the most terrifying (and best) doctor to ever step foot in the halls of Sacred Heart.

And he ne-_he_-ver expected that person-of-a-thousand-balls to be _Newbie_. Newbirella Michelle Doriana.

_Or rather, Jonathon Michael Dorian, you stubborn sonuva--_ He pushed the self-loathing voice to the back of his mind, normally accustomed to it but damn it, today he was just having too much fun. With Newbie. The last person he'd ever put in the same sentence as 'having fun with.' Unless, of course, he was talking about the usual kind of Newbie-fun. Tormenting and berating him, basically. _That_ was fun.

But as he squeaked with what would be roars of laughter if not for the helium, the pillow landing hard on his being relentlessly over and over, he actually considered rethinking that. Sure, messing with Carol was fun, but actually doing something that was fun for the _both_ of them was evidently even better. That had to be the biggest discovery Perry had made in almost two months. He liked it. It greatly reminded him of the good times he had with Ben before he died.

It had started out innocently enough. The day before, Perry had made some clever remark about how "Tomorrow's April Fool's Day, Lori, better get 'yer ass in gear, 'cuz I'm gonna _get _you." which really wasn't all that different than what he usually said every day. In actuality, he hadn't planned to do anything at all. He figured the threat would be enough of a prank, to see Newbie skittering down the halls all nervous and scared (even more than usual) because he thought Big-Bad-Coxie was going to get his ass even worse than he usually did, until he finally realized that was the joke itself.

Perry had landed the first blow.

And Newbie bit right back. With helium. In the middle of the night, while he was sound asleep. In his apartment, which Jordan had let him into because "payback was a bitch" as Perry would learn. He didn't even remember what he did to piss her off.

So, Perry woke up the next morning in his bed (instead of the couch like he sometimes did). He did his normal morning routine. Then he went to work. Jordan wasn't at the apartment and Jack was with her, wherever she was. He didn't call her cellphone to ask her where she went, he knew she would never do anything to endanger their son. She'd tell him as soon as she got back, anyway. He didn't say a peep all morning.

That is, until he got to work, and tried to rant in grudging greeting at Newbie.

The farthest he got was "Good morning Sleeping Beauty--!" before his hands flew to his mouth. His voice was squeaky, and high-pitched to a point that would make Barbie proud. Barbie. The queen of banshees. His dark blue eyes widened comically in horror and he froze, hands clamped tightly over his mouth with no intention of letting go.

Newbie and the others (Gandhi, Barbie, and Carla), of course, cracked up. Jordan happened to be there (which sure as hell was nawt a coincidence, he knew), with an oblivious Jack, who giggled madly because everyone else was apparently happy. The she-devil was amused, however she didn't laugh. She let a huge grin cross her face. A grin of impossible, un-comprehendible evil that, while he knew she was the spawn of Satan, had still thrown him for a loop.

Then she explained just what the hell was going on, finishing with a _spec-he-tacular_ "Happy April Fool's Day, Per-Per!" absolutely lathered in sarcasm that even had Jack guffawing, in that cute way little kids did. It almost reminded Perry of his own laugh. Little kid could sure sense when it was appropriate to laugh, even if he didn't quite understand what was going on.

If the attending hadn't been so busy freaking over the fact that he now had the voice of Mickey Mouse, Perry would have gone as far as to say that his protégé's plan was damn brilliant. He knew a genius prank when he saw one. When he was younger, he was the master of pranks and pulling crazy shit over people's heads.

Like the time he had gotten his middle school principle's car into the science classroom (on the third floor) after the bastard pissed him off by giving him detention, making him come home late and thus ending in a particularly severe beating from his father as punishment. The old fart's face was priceless the next day, those were good times. He _still_ wished he had a camera.

He almost snorted; Jordan was right. Payback was a bitch. When you were the one receiving it. When it was the other way around, it was damn fun.

As he kept laughing, though, he noticed the high pitch of his voice lowering slowly but surely. Thank God, the helium was wearing off.

Then there was the matter at hand. How had he started having a freakin' pillowfight (which-- without his pillow that was now off in the other side of the room-- he was losing) with Sandra?

Oh, right. That damn somewhat-onesided conversation.

* * *

"Dr. Cox?" Came the annoying call of the Newbiebird.

The redhead groaned. _Nancy, I swear to a God I don't believe in, if you don't go away **now**, I will be forced to eat you. Alive._ How he wanted to say that. But he wouldn't risk it. Not with his newfound _squeaky_ voice. _I still haven't beaten your ass for that, by the way._

"I bet you think I'm here to apologize." There was something odd in Newbie's voice. Something Perry had never heard in it before. He tried to place it, but found himself stumped. "Well, I'm not. You know why?" He recognized it now. Bottled-up anger, just about to blow. "Because I'm not sorry."

Turning to glare at him, Perry folded his arms against his chest, mouth tightly clamped shut even though there were a million things he wanted to say. But the words died when he saw the genuine frustration in Newbie's ice-blue eyes. Said person then did something very un-Newbie-like; he cocked his head to the side in reply to Perry's glare and smiled bitterly, "I've been doing everything to get your attention, you know. To make you listen."

Perry rolled his eyes. He didn't want to hear this, _again_. Though he was behaving oddly-- more oddly than usual right now, Newbie was _always_ trying to get his attention. It was his _thing_.

"This is different."

Blink. Apparently, Newbie had become psychic.

"No, your face is just incredibly easy to read sometimes."

Scowl. That seemed to be the only expression Perry could make nowadays. A scowl.

A sigh. "Listen, Dr. Cox…" Perry prepared himself to tune out for the inevitable girly-speech that was coming, "…what would you do if I died?"

Perry froze at the suddenness of the question. _What the hell kind of a question is that?_ He wanted to snap. That was his usual defense mechanism when he was caught off-guard or simply didn't have an answer; to go Coxian on someone's ass.

"It's a simple question: what would you do?"

The air grew tense and time seemed to slow down for Perry. He didn't know why, but for once in his life he decided to actually consider Glenda's words.

What _would_ he do? Newbie _could_ be annoying as all hell sometimes, but he could be just as helpful, too. Newbie wasn't the kind of person to blackmail someone, if he found out you had a problem, he would help you with it. He was, by God, a _good person_. And Perry had always known this, he just refused to accept it. Everyone had their demons, even Newbie. Someday he would turn on him-- like everyone else.

__

Maybe it's time you changed that way of thinking. Ben never turned on you, did he? No, never. And there's been an empty space inside you ever since he died. You need someone to fill it.

An internal snort. _'Someone' as in Newbie? You gotta be kidding me.___

He's the perfect candidate. He'd always be there for you.

A yell, _You don't know that!_

So, speaking quietly so the squeak would be much less obvious, Perry answered, "I wouldn't care."

There was a short silence, and JD's eyes blazed like blue fire, "Liar."

Perry's glare intensified, _How the hell do you know?_

"I'm tired of this." JD said as if in response to his thoughts, "Really _fucking_ tired of it." Perry's eyes went a little wide. In all of the time he'd ever spent around Newbie, he'd never heard him say anything that vulgar. "I've shown you nothing but friendliness, kindness and given you a willing ear that will listen, and what the _hell_ have you done for me? Have you even accepted those things I gave you?" The young black-haired man let out a mirthless laugh, "Nope. None of those things. What the _hell_ is _wrong_ with you?"

__

And here it comes.

Perry thought, ignoring the sadness in those silent words. _Told ya he'd turn._

"I'm not going to stand for it."

__

Three…

"No matter what I do, you brush it off."

__

Two…

"So I'm just gonna have to prove to you that it's okay to let someone in."

_One-- wait, what now?_

Confusion pooled in Perry's blue eyes. They were a darker shade than Newbie's, and more fiery, but just as able to show emotions. Who woulda thought? He furrowed his brows together but still didn't speak.

Newbie smiled at him, a smile devoid of happiness, but still a smile, "The last thing I'm going to do is give up on you, especially after all of this. I used to be just like you, you know."

Perry found that hard to believe. Newbie, a jackass? That was basically impossible.

Seeing his expression, Newbie's smile widened, but still gained no mirth, "It's true, though. I hated the world and everyone in it. I've done some things I'm not all that proud of… anymore. I had created a mask that I had to act accordingly to constantly, and after awhile I 'forgot who I was,' if that makes any sense to you."

It did. Dear lord, it did.

"I forgot how I would used to act and react to things, I would just play out my life behind the mask. Pretty soon, I was mindless and pretty much emotionless, my body and mouth constantly on autopilot, speaking words pre-programmed into the mask."

All Perry could do was stare, a soundless gesture to continue.

"Then I met Turk."

Perry barely fought the urge to say _Who?_

"I don't know what happened, then. I would constantly push him away and basically demean his existence, but he grew on me, somehow. Eventually, I started to laugh more around him. I didn't even notice, but I was letting him in, I guess. I started to act… well, girly. It started off as a rare thing, then it became more often, until I realized what was happening-- or what I _thought_ was happening. I thought Turk was getting too close."

Perry still didn't speak.

"Sound familiar?"

No reply.

JD went on, "What was really happening was that I was regaining my old-- my true self. The mask was cracking. Little by little, I became the girly, hair-gel using intern called Newbie that you see every day at work that I was always supposed to be."

Still no response.

"Dr. Cox, **what is your answer**?"

Defense mechanism:_ …I can't believe it. I won't believe it. He's lying._

_Idiot, you can't look straight into someone's eyes and straight-out lie without some kind of stutter or interruption. He hasn't done that. Not once._

DM: _Not true. I heard--_

_You hear what you want to hear. But lies aren't what you want to hear, now are they?_

Pause. _No. No, they're not._

_Go fix this damn mess, then._

"Dr. Cox? …You kinda zoned out there."

Perry blinked as he returned to the land of the living. How long had he been talking to himself…? It didn't matter. He turned and roughly grabbed a pillow off the couch, and grinned when he glanced back to see Newbie's wide-eyed expression.

"Um, Dr. Cox, what're you--"

Perry straightened himself to his full height.

"--What's with the pillow?"

He fluffed the pillow once, and he could hear the imaginary click of a machine gun echo in his mind as he did so.

"That look on your face is scaring me."

_Arm yourself, Giselda. This is gonna be one hell of a pillow fight._

Perry raised the pillow above his head. His expression wasn't angry; it was playful.

_Consider this my answer._

* * *

It took him a moment to realize the pillow was no longer thumping him. By the time it stopped, Perry knew that his voice was back to normal, albeit a little strained.

"Dr. Cox."

Perry looked up. "Hmm?"

Slight pause. "We… we're friends, now, right?" There was an uncertainty in JD's eyes, one that said he was sure he was off into one of his happy-happy-joy-joy daydreams where everything was just skiddily-dee, that this wasn't really happening.

Well, that wouldn't do. "Yes." He said it to the younger man, but he really felt like he was telling himself that, too. Confirmation. He still had trouble believing it himself. After so long of denying it (friggin' years, to be exact), it was going to take some getting used to. "Yes, JD, we are."

* * *

****

A/N:

I actually got this idea from an episode of _George Lopez_, where George's mom Benny had her voice all high-pitched from helium XP. I know they seem a bit… OOC in this, but in a way, that was what I was going for. This has to be the longest oneshot I've ever written, seriously. I'm proud of it. And to my readers: now you know what's been distracting me from updating. This, among other things. Review, please? I would greatly appreciate your opinions on this. 


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